Ik zou vergeleken kunnen worden met een struisvogel denk ik. Ik heb vele fouten gemaakt in mijn leven en ook vele fouten herhaald. De grootste fout die ik tot nu toe niet onder de knie heb is dat angst mij nog steeds tegenhoudt. En het is angst waardoor ik (nog) niet voor mezelf durf te kiezen. Ik heb dus een stukje geschreven over fouten maken. Want ondanks dat ik er heel veel heb gemaakt en herhaald, heb ik er ook al heel veel van mogen leren.
Past mistakes
In the past I was confused.
Didn't know what was for me.
Didn't know how to choose
what was really good for me.
So I stumbled through life without a clue.
Didn't know what to do.
And I made mistakes a lot.
And felt guilty afterwards.
Shame also joined the guilt.
Shouldn't I know better at this age?
Why hadn't I figured out life?
But I kept making mistakes.
Then I also became afraid.
To repeat the past mistakes.
And my fear came true:
I repeated the past mistakes.
Didn't know how to stop this cycle.
Didn't know what to do.
All I could do was judge myself,
for repeating past mistakes.
At one moment I felt I had to open up.
I told someone how awful I was.
That I wasn't kind nor loving.
Because repeating my mistakes.
And then all came out.
The guilt I felt.
The shame I felt.
The fear I felt.
Because of all of my mistakes.
But instead of judging like I did,
He didn't.
He understood.
Showed compassion.
For al my past mistakes.
I learned so many things.
To judge is making it worse.
To fear repeating them is making it worse.
And to accept them is opening up to learning from them.
So I kept making mistakes.
But now I didn't judge myself for them anymore.
I started to accept them.
I started to learn from them.
From al my past mistakes.
And I didn't feel guilty afterwards.
I no longer felt shame for making them.
I no longer judged myself for them.
Instead I learned, from al my past mistakes.
How older I became
the mistakes changed.
I learned new things from them.
And my life rearranged.
It got clearer who I was.
What I wanted to do.
Who I wanted to be.
And who I really was.
But despite the growth it all went wrong.
Didn't know how to choose
what was really good for me.
So I gave in to and old habit:
Repeating past mistakes.
But now I know it is okay.
To accept them is opening up to learn from them.
I now know I am kind and loving.
Despite al the mistakes I make.
And now I know how to learn from them.
So I will learn quicker.
Repeat them as often as necessary.
To learn from my past mistakes.